Light Within The Dark - Day 12 Blog Challenge

In the midst of talking to someone about being in another "dark night of the soul" they responded with a beautiful insight.  "I bet, there is much light in what you call dark."

I found that such a loving supportive thing to say.  Reminds me once, in my twenties, a mentor of mine gave me a birthday card.  It said, "It is better to light one candle than to curse the dark".  So even back then I was getting input of a similar nature.  

Recently, I've been resonating with a teacher, Matt Kahn, who speaks so kindly of loving everything that arises.  No story attached to it.  It is energy (memory) surfacing, and all it needs is some loving kindness and acceptance as it completes and lifts out of the body.  I love what he says about stuff surfacing.  It is surfacing because it is coming up for healing.  My old thinking might have been, it is surfacing because something is wrong with me and I'm stuck in the past.  How liberating to see it as actually flushing up and out.  I find that is such an uplifting possibility.

Darkness being the stuff that's been pressed down, not being allowed to see the light of day and breathe.   While light being the healing that comes from the embrace of that which was denied.  

I'm reminded of a time when I was going through a divorce and the pain was overwhelming, like I felt I was dying.  Eventually, exhaused, I would surrender, lay on my couch and just be with the feelings, cry, wail, whatever; eventually I would fall asleep and upon awaking I felt refreshed to some extent.  And indeed I was still alive.  

Through practice of being with what is, I grew to learn that facing my grief and fears is liberating.  The only aspect of me that dies is some part of the ego that was fear based and really was not about supporting me to fully BE.

Yet, when deep stuff surfaces for me even now, it sometimes is still hard not to drop into fear that I may die, at least when the stuff is raw and surfacing.  I like to imagine a deeper part of me knows what's up and is not worried.  This part of me is in charge of my being held through it all. 

How well do you handle the waves of grief and fear?  Are you a surfer or do you like to dive deep?

The Perfectionist - Day 11 Blog Challenge

It's all in the showing up.  How do I show up for life?

This inner critic can be harsh.  It can be perfectionistic to the extreme.

This propensity for being displeased with anything that is not perfect or does not meet extremely high standards can freeze up the creative process.  

My daily intention to show up here everyday for a month reveals to me my inner perfectionist.  A voice that says, "If what I offer can't be perfect, well then I just won't show up".  How can I invite in some thinking out of the box here and loosen up a bit? 

I may be tired and feel I can't give my best, so I won't give anything at all.  That type of thinking does not serve me here and feels like a call for compassion.   

My commitment to show up daily here is not a commitment to be perfect.  Not at all.  What part of me is trying to hold back my urge to create here?  Let me see you.  Let me know you.  Let me hear you.  I am curious.  Who are you that is trying to make this seemingly simple act of showing up a complicated "I can't do it, I don't want to do it" tantrum.  Whatever part of me it is, I want to let you know "I love you", and I love creating with you no matter how you are feeling.     

My treasured reader, how do you show up for life?

Listening Within For the Next Steps To Take - Day 10 Blog Challenge

I am learning the way to listen deeper within for what is the next step to take, always asking for that which is for my highest good and the highest good of all.  It turns out it's a bit simpler than I had imagined.  I've been praying passionately to hear the 'still small voice within' to guide me and to assure me of our connection.  It's been too chaotic trying to manage my life from ego headquarters.  I had imagined it would be some crystal clear voice within that would explain many things to me.  I'm finding something a bit more subtle taking place. 

In an earlier blog post I spoke of the 'Risk Win Rest' cycle. Day Eight
In the Rest portion of this cycle I often have idealized living at such a pace that after completing a task during the day, I would sit quietly, getting still and listening for what to do next.

If I move at my normal pace during the day, I'm just jamming through the To Do list, often very centered in my head and mind.  By taking time to be still, I feel more heart centered, and from this space within I listen for that which is of most benefit to do next.  Sometimes it may not be what is next on my To Do list.

This way of pacing during the day is still my ideal.  Not often do I pause between activities to re-center within.  My mini breakthrough today was seeing how this practice of sitting quietly between tasks also serves to connect me to my 'inner GPS' guidance.

By getting still, dialing down the days stimulus, just for a few moments, helps to bring me into a heart space.  It is this heart space where I am able to access what is most important to me, right now, right this moment.  And that is how I am guided through my life.  One step at a time, feeling my way through the maze.  Taking the time to pause, go within, until the next true action to take surfaces.  At that point, my being just naturally flows into this next heart centered action.

This way I savor a taste of enlightened living.  Heart centered. love focused I feel in tune with the natural divine flow of living.   There is a peacefulness and calm within this way of being.  I do feel connected to my 'Source'.  There is such an ease about this "Way".       

The Trap of Taking Things Personally - Day Nine Blog Challenge

Taking things personally is a big trap.  A big ole trap.  First off I need to believe I am a human experiencing in order to personalize others judgements, stories, etc. towards me.  Writing this is my reminder to myself, I am actually a spiritual being having a human experience.  From that vantage point and seeing through the lens of self as spiritual, just a part of a much larger whole, everything is easier to observe without identifying with the small self as something separate.

My small self is that which walks on the beach.  Looking out at the expanse of the ocean I see the largeness of the spirit within me.  I identify with the ocean and experience the self walking on the beach as just an element of the ocean.

Mother Goddess merge me back into you.  

Finding Time To Quiet The Mind - Day Eight Blog Challenge

Today, I got a wave of inspiration to start sitting and meditating on a daily basis.  It came through my morning check in on Facebook (FB). 

I enjoy and appreciate FB so much.  I can't imagine what my life would be without it.  This blog challenge for example.  It's existence was birthed within the FB community of Learn to Blog and the way the participants connect with each other is through our private FB group.  Additionally, FB is a wonderful source of uplifting material that helps me in my soul growth; along with being a super source of late breaking news.

Today's blog entry here is inspired by a FB video I watched this morning.

Kyle Cease posted a video, sharing his thoughts as he moves through his 100 Day Self Connection Experiment.  This experiment of his includes up to 2 hours of meditation a day, using this time to quiet down and witness the slowing of his mind chatter.  The video vlogs he is doing daily are his way to track and share how this experiment goes for him.  I'm so receptive to this venue as an excellent learning medium, as first hand reporting in the trenches feels so raw and real.  I find it so inspiring!   Kyle Cease Day 14

Kyle observes how doing the 'inner work' helps build up resilience so to handle the bigger stuff that comes at us in life.  This insight alone could be enough to get me to immediately carve out two hours a day to meditate.  Oh, how I would love that.  At this stage though, it is still a whim in my mind.  An interesting idea, a gleam on my To Do list.  Just enough of a desire to wish I would, but not a strong enough commitment to figure out how I could find 2 hours in a day to meditate.  

So many things like this I have on my I Wish I Would Do Now List.  At least Kyle's videos will offer me an opportunity to bring my desire to meditate more fully forward into my conscious mind.  We apparently can only add in a few new habits at one time, or so current brain science says; at least at this stage of our evolution.

This is a good time to come back to Kaizen and ask what super small step could I take towards introducing back into my life a sitting meditation practice.  If you've seen an earlier post of mine, I wrote some on the power of taking small steps so not to activate the fear trigger.  Day 2   

So far today I've taken two steps towards my meditation desire.  First, watching Kyle's video and second, writing this blog post and voicing my desire to bring 'quiet time as a regular practice' into my daily life.  Okay, that's good.  Let me invite this achievement to settle in and may I rest with it before moving on to a next step.  

This reminds me of the 3 prong 'Risk, Win, Rest' sequence.  Many years ago someone gave me a palmistry reading, and in my hands they could see my tendency to cycle through taking a risk, winning and then moving right into the next risk and win activity.  Never really taking time to rest with each achievement.  A sure recipe for eventual burn out.

Living a path with heart most definitely includes the rest cycle for each time I stretch, challenge and achieve something new for my life.  Do you have a rest cycle? 
  

The Power of Commitment, Focus and Accountability - Day Seven Blog Challenge

This blog challenge is proving to be a remarkable experience for me in so many ways.  It also is helping me get an amazing glimpse into the creative process and ways in which creativity expresses.  It feels like I am in a garden of rainbows and flowers!

COMMITMENT:  This is key in the process of creativity.  I feel my creative muse has longed for a foundation and a platform from which to express.  She and I both have known that writing comes easily to me, second to breathing it is my natural expression.  I'm most comfortable when there is pen and paper near by.

This 30 day writing challenge, blogging and posting publicly, feels just enough commitment to keep me showing up and doing the work, while opening doors to something bigger than I was able to foresee.  By that I mean there is a natural sequence that is revealing itself, in regards to the topics I write about each day.  Coming to the keyboard with no agenda, except to show up and let the writing flow, the creative muse seems to have access to the bigger picture of where this writing is going.  Each day's topic seeming to naturally build off of the previous posts.  A cohesive story seems to be emerging.  I did not consciously plan this.  What a true delight to be the scribe and witness! 

The creative process is truly magical. I surrender to it and let it lead.  Follow my heart and do what brings me joy, while staying in my naturalness of being. That's my formula so far.      

FOCUS:  I focus on writing as my creative expression.  Looking forward to see what emerges through my writing as a means for bringing my gifts forward in the world.  I see now more than ever how life's meaning comes from having purposeful contributions to make to the greater good.  It's so important to feel and experience being connected with others and contributing to life, while expressing joyfully the gifts from within the heart.

This heart path journey is so different than doing a "day job" for money so to pay the bills.  There are many, like I, on this transition bridge from choices made for survival into a life of choices made from our core truth.

I have felt for so long that this life is meant for all of us to contribute our gifts to the greater whole.  That is what will make this earth ship function at optimum level.  In a later post I will expand on this more.

ACCOUNTABILITY:  I appreciate more than ever this aspect of being accountable to a support group.  Bradley Will, as the visionary leader of this blog challenge, feels like the heart center of this project.  The cohesive glue that holds us together.  Having this central core feel solid makes accountability come so much easier for me.    

I take a moment here to clarity accountability as being the willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one's actions.  Being accountable to something that aligns with my core values, and offers expression of my creative gifts is affording me the great feeling of congruence.  Where there is congruence, compatibility and harmony there is flow.  

This flow is the fuel that inspires me to show up each day, eager to make my contribution to this writing journey.  Knowing I am a part of something much larger than me.   With over 150 people dedicated to this writing journey, who knows what greater good will come from this.  

It is the journey that matters, so much more than the destination.  The journey keeps us in the present moment.  Which, after all, is really all we ever have.  No past, no future, just now.   

The Mind, Friend or Foe - Day Six Blog Challenge

Showing up daily to write and share publicly opens up a level of vulnerability that brings my writing critic forward.  Inner voices such as: what if I share with my readers my dark shadowy fears, won't they just unsubscribe? or  Oh my gosh, they will find out what a trauma case I am and realize I have nothing to offer them.   And the voices go on and on.  I guess that's what I'd call mind being foe (just to be clear, foe meaning an enemy or opponent).

I've been enjoying the teachings of Matt Kahn lately.  What most speaks to me in his offerings is to love all that surfaces.  Yes, love it ALL.  With that in mind, let me love my foe also.  And maybe just love it and not psycho analyze it.  Now that's a concept!  Just listen, just witness, just hold space for it.  No story, just hold it.  Hold my foe and rock with it in my arms.  I mean, if it wants to talk that's fine.  If it wants to cry or scream, fine too.  But me, my task is, I just hold it, rock it, love it.  Tender tender, I am here for you my dear precious foe.

And to you, my treasured reader, let me offer up a question and invitation.  Have these posts I've been making in this 30 day challenge brought up anything for you?  I'd love to hear what is stirring in you.  Any secret little creative projects lurking in your heart, longing to come forward? 

Healing From the Core - Day Five Blog Challenge

I've returned to the family system, living with a family member for a few months as part of my mega housing transition journey.  I came with the intention for healing.  Healing and doing completions.  Completing this 3D karmic journey of the cycle of life.  My soul yearns to be part of the amazing extraordinary ascension process  that is underway on this magnificent planet.  I embrace the emerging New Earth with welcome anticipation of an evolutionary leap for humankind, kind human.  

Lots of the emotional baggage I've been carrying around got programmed in on a cellular level during the years growing up in my family system.  There is tons of research on this if you at all doubt the impact the family system has on each of us.  Bruce Lipton, for example, is a tremendous resource on this.

Much as been revealed to me in these few months here with the family.  I am ready to let the traumas and stories of the past be laid to rest.  It's so evident how they continue to overlay on all my life experiences and life choices.  It was a shake up for me to step back into the family field.  An act not recommended for the weak of heart.

It takes courage to enter back into the karmic field of a family such as mine, and intend for total healing of the self.  Courage to stretch and be uncomfortable, really uncomfortable.  I have cried a lot and prayed a lot.  And when the pain got almost too much to bear, I surrendered.  Then I prayed for insight on the nature of surrender itself. What does surrendering really mean?  Still no solid answer on that yet.  My only guess so far is that it is unique for each individual, hence why cookie cutter definitions do not really work.

I keep digging deeper within, and apply the "turn around" concept of Byron Katie.  Essentially, taking the projection story and turn it around so it reads as my own story.  I'm not one to claim I understand the concept of past lives; but I do believe I was born into a family system that was designed to re-inact experiences so I could achieve learnings and soul integrations that had not been achieved in previous incarnations.  

What is the core learning for me this life?  Forgiving all the times I have failed in other lives.  Some of these failures most likely impacted many others, and possibly the karma of many souls have weighed heavy on my soul.  Perhaps even my failures were of a magnitude that I felt I could never forgive myself.

With immense gratitude I now go into forgiveness of epic proportion, willing to forgive even what felt to be unforgivable.  The hero journey indeed.  I imagine transporting my soul essence back to the center of the Milky Way galaxy, perhaps where this life stream of mine was birthed.  From this core galactic center I intend ritual for the cleansing of all lack of forgiveness I have for myself.  I call on Gaia Sophia, Earth Goddess, and Source of All to cleanse and transform this life essence, and bring transmutation for entry into New Earth.  May it be so.     

The Heart Path Lovingly Will Lead - Day 4 Blog Challenge -

Today I created 28 titles for potential blog posts.  I am abundant with ideas!

I begin these posts organically.  Letting a natural flow awaken as I see what Source wishes to write about.  Source and I are One.  For lack of a better name, the place where these thoughts arise.  All day long I seem to consume consume consume.  Information, ideas, plans, activities.  Now, as the evening comes upon me and it's time to write my daily blog, my focus shifts nicely inward.  What's the meaning within all my consumption and where am I going?

My highlight today was some writing I shared on my Facebook timeline.  It got inspired from the journey I have embarked on this year, that of walking away from all that does not nourish, communicate honestly and support.  Which means I am walking towards all that nourishes, communicates well and supports lovingly.  What is most deep about this time is how it shows me where I may not be nourishing myself enough either.  It always seems to come back to, as within so without.

Here is the Facebook post I made today:

"I am following my heart, letting my heart be my inner GPS and my guide.
Life will support me. This is not a challenge to life. It is rather an atunement to the beauty of how life naturally supports us when we are in flow with the truth of our being and allow it to express, lovingly, kindly and compassionately.

It's not to say or promise there will not be fear. But fear is only "false evidence appearing real". So keep that in mind when it surfaces. Let it speak, let it express, hold it tenderly and when it quiets down for awhile, then take more steps forward as the heart lovingly will lead if we let it. 

Just as a sunflower and butterfly are in harmony, so too a life that blooms from the heart will merge into the naturalness of life."

I think about how best to invite my heart to lead.  Hopefully, even this thought is enough to set it in motion.  After all, Truth knows our question even before we finish uttering it.  

What I Am Up To Now - November 2015

Here is a great idea from Bradley Will
http://www.bradleywill.com/now/
Writing about "What I Am Doing Now".

I plan to create these pages about myself and post here.
Stay tuned!

For starters, what I am up to is being apart of the 30 Day Blog Challenge, showing up here daily to write, share, express, be creative.   Sharing a public voice with the world.  Pretty big step for me and loving it!

And just want to give a shout out to Jeff Sanders for this great pic.  I found it on his podcast page, which actually had a pretty inspiring topic to go along with the pic.  "I'm Up. Now What? 5 Best Ways to Begin Your Day"

An Inner Compass For Living - Day 3 of Blog Challenge

Good evening!

I’m finding this writing practice is coming naturally to me at evening time. 

So interesting how grounding this is for me.   My day can be filled with lots of input and emotion, sometimes feeling like I am all over the map.  Then comes the time to settle into writing and I get to ask, okay, what was today about really!

Where is my compass set? 

Are my days course correcting so I stay on track? 

Am I following a time line to my desired destination? 

And honestly I must say no at this point.   Given my life was turned radically upside down at the beginning of this year; it’s been a chaotic year of upheaval that I really did not see coming.  My biggest take away so far is that I welcome the jump start on learning new manners of living.  Life doesn’t feel neat and tidy anymore, and certainly not very controlable.  It causes me to wonder; are these signs of times to come as the Great Transition gets underway in its robust fullness?

Having lost my stable home of many decades earlier this year, I’m learning how to find home within.  Having set a goal to radically simplify, I’m learning how to let go of many things on my To Do list.  Yes, the art of simplifying is both a physical and mental game.  The mental side is a new realization for me; for after letting go of many of my physical possessions, I found my mind is tremendously cluttered with thoughts and beliefs that do not align with my deeper core values.    This has shown me that I’m living a life out of congruence with what I most value.  

It’s time I re-envision my whole strategy for living.  All signs point to first changing my inner mental landscape.  All my favorite teachings, spiritual and personal, point me to this inner game.   It’s an inside job.  

So I ask again, after this time of reflective writing; have I a compass with a destination?  My compass is set inwardly, to an inner GPS that leads me onward to a life of self-realization.      

    

Settling In - Day 2 of Blog Challenge

Greetings,
Just getting into the rhythm of this daily writing.  So topics and material to write on are patiently waiting in the sidelines while I build up this consistency of showing up daily.  I've been getting really personal with my fears lately and I've reverted back to the Kaizen method, a wonderful process of taking tiny tiny steps towards a goal.  Steps so tiny that the fear mechanism does not get triggered.

A good ole google search brings up this definition: Kaizen, also known as continuous improvement, is a long-term approach to work that systematically seeks to achieve small, incremental changes in processes in order to improve efficiency and quality.

So, here I am, committed to bringing forth myself as a writer.   I got over the first hurdle, which is perfectionism.   Thinking I needed to wait till my "techie side" got up to speed so to build a pretty and fancy blog page.  Nope, no telling how long before I could take that big of step.   So instead, simple action, simple blog page, and presto!  here I am sharing with you.  Oh, and one other important ingredient in my recipe for action; team support led by a strong call to action!   Thank you folks at LearnToBlog.com and our 30 day challenge.

Now, where do I go from here?  I like short reads.  I find the longer the read, the more I skim through the material just culling for key highlights.  So, no long reads for me at this stage.  Just nice and easy, showing up daily and writing.  Let's see where it leads.    

Let's Do This! - 30 Day Blog Challenge Day One

Good Morning All!

This is so much about ACTION and not perfection.   Goodbye perfectionism goblin!  

The 30 Day Blog Challenge begins.  I've joined a great group as part of Learn to Blog (learntoblog.com).   We will be posting to our blogs daily for 30 days.  Here's what I just shared on our private Facebook (FB) group page.  And from that post, look at me, I've come here and set up this blog.  OMGosh. A powerful action step.

Here's what I posted.

11.18.15  6am
Day One blog post: oh dear, day one I'm a bit late, but I'm here. In transparency, here's where I am at. No blog yet, and too shy to post to my FB page I was going to post to: Diary of a Path With Heart. https://www.facebook.com/Diary-of-a-Path-With-Heart-1220328941326026/

The best I could do was go to my 100 Day Challenge private group and post the following.
(note: this group is a project Lilou has going: begin your own 100 Day Reality Challenge at any time by logging onto www.CoCreatingOurReality.com ) 

Here's what I shared there: 
Oh my goodness, so much for daily posting here. I am back though and that is what counts. I feel safe here.

Got up at 3:30am this morning with intent to post here. First checked email and FB, and now 3 hours later! I'm just getting here. What a flurry of information I just got from internet. Unbelievable. With just the input from these 3 hours I'd need a whole month just to incorporate them into my life. And, they are all super important too!

Now let's see if I can recall what I was to write about here. Oh yes! I joined a 30 Day Blog Challenge, to post to our blogs everyday, some type of content. Well first off, I don't have a blog, only 55 FB community pages. haha, yes 55!  Sha's Collection of Favorites lists all the page links, just in case you're super curious as to what or why I would do such a thing!  https://www.facebook.com/Shas-Collection-of-Favorites-151480995010734/

I thought I'd post my daily blogs to my FB page: Diary of a Path With Heart

but realize even that I feel too vulnerable. So I came here instead. I intend to post 30 days of blog content. What will I write about. I don't know. The point is, I need to start writing in a more public way and get my material out there.

For starters, I think I'll go to my Blog group, on our private FB group page and at least post some of this there.

More to come!

That was my post on 100 Day Reality Challenge Page.  When I shared it on my Learn To Blog community page as my best effort at a blog post, I got beautifully coached to set up a blog here at Google.   And it was super easy.   

A great example of determination to show up and do my best, even if it doesn't fit the "requirements".  And low and behold ways present themselves to take an expansion step.  

So today's goal accomplished.  I set up a blog and made a public post.   
Congratulations girl!  One step at a time.  And a path begins to open up.