Be YOU - Day 30 Blog Challenge

The final post of this remarkable 30 Day Blog Challenge.  The ending of one commitment and the beginning of a new me.  A me that is energized to follow my heart and speak my truth.  To dig deep and find the most compassionate ways to express myself.  To be strong. courageous and have boundaries.  To be love, to feel love in all the cells of my being.  To not be afraid of the full range of emotions that may visit me at times.   May I be best friends to all of me.

“Listen to your being. It is continuously giving you hints; it is a still, small voice. It does not shout at you, that is true. And if you are a little silent you will start feeling your way. Be the person you are. Never try to be another, and you will become mature. Maturity is accepting the responsibility of being oneself, whatsoever the cost. Risking all to be oneself, that's what maturity is all about.”
― Osho

I've spoken mostly from my heart during this challenge, and have not relied too much on inspired quotes.  Today I'm feeling drawn to include some poignant words of wisdom from others.  Words that seem so fitting in helping tie together what this 30 Day Writing Journey has been about for me.  

It's also a shout out to you, my beloved reader, who has made this journey so special.  For me to come forward with my voice made public and to get feedback from you as to the impact this writing is having, has been life changing for me.

How much more meaningful is a life, when we can experience being a support to others?  That we are not islands unto ourselves, but we are one tribe on this earth, sharing in the beauty of a most remarkable planet.  How can we be our best selves in this journey?  What mark do we most long to leave behind from our time here?  

 "Centered and complete are not the conditions for creativity.

Creative people ship remarkable work because they seek to complete something, 

to heal something, to change something for the better.

To move from where they are now to a more centered, more complete place.

You don't get creative once everything is okay.

In fact, we are creative because everything isn't okay (yet)." 

Seth Godin

I have built up my creativity stamina muscle during these 30 days.  Pushing myself to go deep within everyday, even on the days when I have felt the temptation to take a break. 

Committing to show up on a larger stage of life stimulates our growth.  Though sometimes there is resistance, pushing through most always leaves us feeling expanded and joyful.  

My biggest breakthrough has come from allowing myself to express before I feel I have mastered perfection.  That has been my liberation.  To learn to share from the space I am in right now.  That is enough.  In fact it is more than enough.  It is rich, dynamic and real.  It is liberating in a most primal way.  Springing up from within the present moment, unrehearsed and spontaneous.  

Most interesting and impactful for me has been using my daily experiences and soul growth as topics to write about. So, what might have just gone into a journal as random writing and "dumping" or talking with a friend - has now become resourceful writing with intention to draw insights from the day.  Sharing it publicly has been that extra step I have taken for transparency.  I feel I have come "out behind the sidelines" and have starting actually playing the game of life!  For this I feel immense gratitude.     

We are beings born to grow towards the light.  To bloom and express beauty and love.  Let us not forget that when we see around us many who have forgotten the greatness of who they are.  It is so easy to see the war and greed, despair and violence.  May we strive to lift each other up into the truth of our beings.  

And if sometimes it feels too hard to lift another, then let us be the light within ourselves, and that light will shine out and uplift others.  Being the Light is the greatest upliftment.   

Find that something to be thankful for.  Everyday.  

Be your best self everyday.

Thank you.  

The Power in the Question - Day 29 Blog Challenge

Patience, Surrender, Goal Planning, Praying, Pleading ..... the many attempts to move myself out of the present.  The many attempts to avoid accepting what is.   Always doing.   Micro managing and trying to control things.   So much busyness.  Why does the choice to sit and be still, to have no other agenda, why is this still so hard for me?  Do I think that meditation and stillness will somehow make me a better person than I already am?

I come across a quote, as I search for some inspiration for this writing.  

"Be happy in the moment, that's enough.  Each moment is all we need, not more." 

Mother Teresa

If I feel happy right now, then all should be good, right?  Does feeling happy take away my motivation to take action on my bigger goals in life?  Is drama what inspires me to improve and take action?  I can tell I'm not going to find answers in todays writing.  That's okay, it really is.  It's okay to come up with more questions than answers.  Some days are like that.  Questions are powerful.

I heard once how the brain is designed to seek out answers to questions we present to it.  Once the question has been asked, the brain goes to work on it and will bring us the answer, some time down the road.  I'm not a scientist so I don't know if this is really true.  I do know though that I find comfort with the thought, that somehow if I can ask a good question, life will help me arrive at an answer.

Let go.  The answer will come, most likely at an unexpected time, as a pleasant surprise.  Trust in life.  Have patience.  All things in due time.  All things in their own time.  The mystery.

     

No Is A Complete Sentence - Day 28 Blog Challenge

This may be my most challenging post in this challenge.  For the first time I'm hesitant as to the topic I wish to explore.  I'm very tempted to just write in generalities.  I'm reminded of something I heard a blogger say recently, that he does not hit publish unless he is feeling some discomfort.  Well, I qualify on this one.

Yesterday, on my daily walk in the neighborhood, I had an encounter with a man.  I'm new to the area, and this was a neighbor I had recently met and he had joined me on a few of my walks.  It was a benign enough interaction that occurred, so my mind wanted to tell me.  Though my body was telling me different.

An elderly married family man who I barely knew, wanted to hold my hand as we walked and talked about neighborhood topics.  Bizarre yes, is what I first thought and I put my hand back in my pocket.

He spoke of being a harmless dirty old man.  I sort of tried to laugh it off, but inside I was boiling, though censoring myself.   Was it some age old cultural conditioning coming in?  Nice girls don't get angry and they certainly don't make a scene!  Shocking to witness myself still struggle with this, being that I have had my share of violence and sexual assaults in this lifetime.

These topics need to come out more.  

So here I am doing the tip toe through the land mines of discomfort.  

 
I'm taken back to decades ago, when I was healing from co-dependency.  In our recovery groups we had a few sayings that we often defaulted to.  "No is a complete sentence".   Another favorite was "What part of No do you not understand?"  We would laugh and joke about these sayings, maybe as a way to make light of a very challenging dynamic.  That of navigating ones safety in this world. 

It was in my childhood that I first remember losing a sense of being able to recognize boundaries and trust myself to declare a boundary in situations I felt uncomfortable in.  I can see the trauma event that occurred where I lost my ability to navigate my safety.

The body is a wonderful vehicle for giving us feedback as to what feels good and correct, and when we are in danger.  When we are in healthy connection with this communication sense, we have a solid navigational tool for living.  I lost mine very early on. 

Now a grown woman, with decades of healing and self awareness under my belt, and this holding hands encounter shows me I can still be triggered into confusion, doubt and guilt.  It's not my business if my saying no to hand holding will cause a hurt feeling in another.  No is a complete sentence and I do not need to justify it.

I noticed I wanted to be sure to avoid this person while I was on my walk today.  There's a clue.  I do not feel safe.  My body's navigational ability is returning.  I can recognize it now.

The doors to the world of the wild Self are few but precious. If you have a deep scar, that is a door, if you have an old, old story, that is a door. If you love the sky and the water so much you almost cannot bear it, that is a door. If you yearn for a deeper life, a full life, a sane life, that is a door.
~ Clarissa Pinkola Estés, 

               Art by Shiloh Sophia McCloud              

Mother Teresa The Movie, The Letters - A Bit of Controversy - Day 27 Blog Challenge

Last night I saw the movie, The Letters, The Untold Story of Mother Teresa.  I was moved by her story, very much.  Such a strong, determined, courageous woman.  At her ceremony to accept the Nobel Peace Prize, she recited the Peace Prayer.  Here I have made some additions to it, to personalize it so I feel best attuned to it for my own path.

May I be a channel of peace, 

Where there is hatred, may I bring love,

Where there is wrong, may I bring the spirit of forgiveness,

Where there is discord, may I bring harmony,

Where there is error, may I bring truth,

Where there is doubt, may I bring faith,

Where there is despair, may I bring hope,

Where there are shadows, may I bring light,

Where there is sadness, may I bring joy, 

May I seek as much to comfort as to allow myself to be comforted,

May I seek as much to understand as appreciate being understood,

May I seek to love even more than to be loved.

For to self-forget is to find the true self,

For to forgive, one more easily is forgiven,

For in dying to the personal one awakens to eternal life.

What I most connected with in the movie was her feeling that "loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty".  The movie portrayed Mother Teresa as being driven to give love and care to those who had been forgotten by society, essentially left to die on the streets.

The sense of loneliness, despair and being unlovable were some core wounds I was born into, I sense from previous lives.  However, how all that really plays out I don't know.  What feels true is there was a wound inside me, a story I told myself, that needed healing.  That of no one cares for me, and my feeling of being unlovable was over whelming at times.  My path this life was to go deep within and heal that from within.  To be able to love myself and bring myself compassion. 

Mother Teresa gave such a gift to the world, to help others feel loved, when they were in such deplorable conditions, that any inner work to find the love within was a near impossibility.  Those of us in the luxury of having our basic needs meet, have a greater freedom and choice to do the inner work to heal ourselves.     

Now, in case anyone reading this has adverse feelings about Mother Teresa.  Let us remember no one has the full story, the complete big picture.  We do what we can, as best we can.   My biggest message is, what do you draw from this so to live your life with greater integrity and purpose?  What can we learn from any of Mother Teresa's perceived short comings, that we can take out into the world and make needed changes for the evolution of us all?  

What I encourage is what can we take away from this for our own learnings and renewed strength for our chosen path. 

May there be love and may it begin with me.  

My Testimony for the 30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 26 Blog Challenge

The Learn to Blog 30 Day Challenge is the most engaging, creative, productive, fulfilling group endeavor for an online business that I have ever been a part of.

I found my public voice through this writing journey. Broke through my blocks to get a blog up. The group supported me to set up a super easy blog with google+ , taking less than 30 minutes to set up. I had been wanting to create a blog for almost two years and could not get myself into action. The technical skills for having a fancier blog will come later. The impact of this challenge was to get me into the game and writing! And that has been a 100% success.

The brilliance of the commitment based solely on the creative process, so no pressure on product creation or marketing or having a perfect blog design - was the perfect mix to get me moving on creating. And the fact it was free also really worked for me. It was another level of proof for me that this was a project based on love and the process of creating, purely for the art itself.

Now, at day 25 I see that I could very well have in my possession my first book from the material in the blog. Like with the blog, the book is not about perfection, but rather the art of creating. Even if I just produce a Kindle book, it would be about the joy of sharing my creation. While also achieving a cherished goal to have an actual product for sale on Amazon!

Creating a book was not at all in my thoughts when I joined the 30 day challenge. This seems to be just a natural by-product of following a heart based creative process. One does not know where their art will lead them.

It's really hard to put into words what a massive breakthrough this has been for me. The structure of a daily blog post got me focused on producing to publish, so my trap of overly thinking and writing too much simply was not an option within the time constraints.

I tried getting my first book written last year, and on my own, I got bogged down in my perfectionism, and the book project got over whelming for me and fell to the way side.

This blog challenge of 30 days is so manageable! It's a stretch for sure, but a time frame that has been achievable for me. I must say writing is my natural gift and love, so the process of writing itself came very easy. My struggle has been in being concise and focused and getting stumped by the technology, while also needing to be in a field of group support while being led by a very inspired leader.

Bradley Will is certainly the leader and the glue that held us all together. I also found great support in the frequent videos Bradley would produce for us. Sometimes while walking home from the gym, out for a brisk morning walk in the Chicago winter, or late night reflections. I found his videos helped me so much feel connected to a larger group and a bigger purpose. His transparency also has been an inspiring model to help me be transparent in my writing too. 

This was a game changer for me.  Changed me for the better, getting me out of my head and into action and creation.  Something I have desired for a very very long time. 

Thank you Bradley Will for your courage to act on your inspired vision.  I am forever grateful.   

The Big Why - Day 25 Blog Challenge

For years now I have heard personal development leaders speak on the importance of the “Big Why.”  That in order to accomplish things of great significance to us, we need a powerful motivating factor.   Something we feel so strongly about, that when the going gets tough, this reason, this Big Why is what gets us to dig in deeper and persevere towards our desired future.

That Big Why is going to be unique for each person and my sense is it is most powerful if we find it by going deep within.  I used to want to hear what others big whys were, so to give me some ideas to help me figure out mine.  Some reasons I've heard are: so to buy a house, help those in need, give a good life to the family, financial freedom so to travel, great health, lose weight, super fitness, help the environment, become enlightened.  

Though I never called it a Big Why, my life journey has been totally committed to my inner healing and spiritual path.  I've achieved great highs there, and its why I am who I am now, and I like that person.  So that's all good, really good.  My Big Why was a search for well being, peace of mind, freedom from a victim mindset, a way to feel safe in the world, to clear the emotional traumas out of my body.

What did I hope these Whys would then give me?  An ability to unleash my gifts and creativity.  To feel a freedom to fully enjoy life, to know genuine gratitude, and possibly even uplift others along the way! 

I now have an inner foundation of well being and trust in life.  I'm awakening to an inner spaciousness that is eager to explore a larger arena of life.  That of how to give back to the world, be of greater service, and find purpose and meaning through being a part of the larger planetary unfoldment and evolution.

My task now is to ask myself regularly what is my new Big Why.  I'm in need of a new reason for being.  A reason so big, grand and inspiring that it awakens the entrepreneurial giant within me.  Then I will have the inner drive to arise to the challenge of  this next chapter of my precious life journey.  I've identified here a good many whys that could be my motivators.

Now here is what I feel is key in this.  I need to also be clear on what I hope I will get from my new Big Why.  What outcome am I seeking?

Coupled with the Big Why, I would also include the Big What.  What is the Why going to give me?

How about you?

        

Intention - Day 24 Blog Challenge

INTENTION

I seek to heal with someone close to me.

I clarify to myself my intention to experience healing with them, to bring peace to the past stories I have of this relationship.  Conflict quickly arises when we are together and soon I realize we are not joined in the same intention.  We have been spending a few months together in the same home.  I see we have both brought expectations into this time we are sharing together.  The expectations are different and thus we clash.  Each disappointing the other.

I quickly shift gears and realize my work is to bring healing into my thoughts.  This is when I clarify my intention is simply for love.  Love and kindness.  It's not my role to stress out another if they do not wish to look at our shared story together.

This is a rich time for me to look at whatever I am still clinging to.  Where in my past stories have I felt this person disappointed me, failed to live up to my expectations and needs of them?  How am I holding this still?  I see how it bleeds over into my other relationships.  A part of me trying to work out this unresolved issue in my current relationships.  Thinking it's a problem with the current person, but really I have overlaid my past onto them.  My current relationships helping me with yet another chance to come to peace with my past.

I sense a need that I separate out my fantasy and hopes with what the person really was offering me. This feels key to bringing completion.  I see so often in these types of dynamics I had hoped for something more intimate and the other did not feel the same.  My place of being stuck lies in my not accepting that.

What does completion and peace look like in a connection like this?  Often when we feel hurt we can strike out, usually in a subtle but potent way, in some form of verbal or mental attack.  It's our way to externalize the issue, as something outside of us.  When it really is not.  It's pretty much our movie we are making up.  Do we see the other as someone out to harm us, or as someone hurting and asking for love?  Deep down that usually is what is going on in most connections, we all just want to be loved.  Even in violent situations, somewhere deep down, the person is looking for love.

During the creation of this post I came upon an interview with Peter Russell where he spoke on this issue of intention and to bring into our relations the intention that the other person feel okay, loved, respected, supported as a result of our expression.  What a powerful intention that is.  Can I bring this desire into my healing with another?  Letting go of the belief I was wronged.  Truly taking the more noble path to wish for love to lead the way.  My path is to shred light into the subtle areas where I may still be holding on to the small self.    
    

 "The solution is to monitor ourselves to be sure, whatever we say or do, that there is not an element of attack.  When we notice there is some slight element of attack there, just pause.  And reflect on how to respond in a way that the other person feels loved, respected, supported."

Peter Russell 

Anger - Day 23 Blog Challenge

Anger is such a rich, complex loaded emotion.  If we could find a way to harness all the anger on this planet we probably will have discovered the newest most innovative form of alternative energy for earth.  Definitely renewable and does not extract resources from the environment.  It also has the potential to recycle into emotions of higher frequencies, thus quite a good candidate for transmutation.  

Most important for me is to not make anger an enemy.  It's coming from within the psyche, let me be curious and find out what is going on with it.  Not by picking a fight with someone else but rather to travel within and dialogue.  Asking anger what needs are not being met and what is it longing for.  Ultimately life reflects back to us what our inner story is.  Always coming back to it being an inside job.  A theme I carry throughout this blog journey.

It's a very empowering practice really.  For once I find out what needs anger has that are not being met, I am in a good position to find ways to meet those needs.

Here's an example that comes up regularly for me.  I get 'into a state' where I am driving myself too hard and working non stop.  A driven work state is most often a fear based state and commonly unconscious.  We're not even aware of our real motivation to be so driven.

Anger's voice rises trying to get my attention, hey you!  I'm hurting and you're not listening to me!  At that point, like a loving parent, I can come and sit with anger and give it compassion and find out what it is needing.  I can also say I'm sorry and change my ways.  At any point along this path, I have the power to choose to become more loving and free.

It all begins with intention to be so.

The path will then be laid out for you, from the great cosmic mind.
 Just follow one step at a time.

Continue to renew the intention, as needed.
With practice choosing love and freedom will become the natural choice.

Gratitude A Law Of Increase - Day 22 Blog Challenge

It feels a natural progression to reflect on gratitude today, after yesterdays exploration of happiness, allowing and peace.   I'd like to experiment today with giving focused attention to feeling grateful and abundant for the many wonders of life I experience this day, moment to moment.

I'd also like to explore finding ways to feel grateful for the things and thoughts during the day that I am not, at first, able to feel a genuine gratitude for.   It holds high promise of being a rich and rewarding adventure into the self.

I admit, gratitude has been a practice I have done only sporadically.  It isn't a mindset I naturally default to.  I'd like to change that so to see myself in a new light, as a being who actually leads from gratitude.

It's interesting how often when I have been advised to be grateful, it feels like a 'should'.  It's not something that has arisen spontaneously from within as a practice I choose.  In a way it has felt like, I am doing something wrong with how I am holding my thoughts, and so I need to overlay my feelings with gratitude.  That particular formula hasn't worked really well.

Today is different though, as the desire is bubbling up from within as a natural and fun thing to do.  Not because something is wrong with me that needs fixing.  Rather the desire is one of play and delight, while within I know I am okay as I am.
 

Update .... Reflecting a day after this gratitude experiment, I already feel more expansive and uplifted.  I am experiencing first hand what many say, that gratitude is a law of increase.  The more I am grateful, the more I have to be grateful for!  This feels true to me this morning.  I feel lighter, upbeat and expanded in joy.    

Let me close this post with a resource to a Facebook page of mine, enjoy!   
Forgiveness, Gratitude, Kindness and Compassion

Happiness, Allowing and Peace - Day 21 Blog Challenge

I was reading a quote on happiness just now and thinking I could explore that topic here.  Some like to debate whether happiness is a choice or not.  To go down that rabbit hole feels too mind centered for me.  After all, isn't happiness pretty fleeting?   Ever try to hold on to a sense of happiness as a constant state?

I understand a little about brain chemistry and research on how meditation, and even the practice of gratitude, can increase our sense of well being and happiness.  I find that temporary though, especially if we have a lot of unprocessed 'stuff" we are not choosing to look at.   Happiness is fleeting when we haven't brought to light our core beliefs.

In our journey here on earth, are we really looking for happiness or could it be, on a deeper level, we long for peace.  

I prefer to reflect on allowing and see happiness as more a by product of our allowing what is.  Most times when I sense myself tightening up, if I am able to bring conscious awareness to this tension, most surely I will see I am resisting something.  Somehow fighting against what appears to be presenting in the moment.  

I say appears because even that is defined by the story we give to it.  This is where life becomes a meditation of bringing conscious awareness into the present.   Every single interaction we have during the day holds potential to reveal to ourselves our inner world of how we perceive life.

How we perceive life is certainly going to flavor our experiences.  In that regard we are like an artist.  What shall we paint on our canvas?  What song do we choose to sing?  What dance does our soul long to express?

Perhaps indeed our choices are colored by our life experiences, the traumas we have endured and have yet to heal.  There are seasons when we need to go deep into them, especially if their memories have become hardened over time.  It helps to soften them up by breathing some life and compassion into them.  It can sometimes take decades before one is able to begin this softening process and that is okay.

There does, or will, come a day when it becomes possible to watch the stories surface and we no longer feel the need to attach to them as much.  They may still come and visit from time to time but these visits don't carry the drawn out heaviness like in the earlier days.  It becomes easier to allow them to pass on through and the urge to cling and relive the story lessens.  As we make peace with our past, peace in the present becomes more accessible. 

Peace

It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work.  

It means to be in the midst of these things and still be calm in your heart.

Writers Block and Healing Family Tensions - Day 20 Blog Challenge

I missed posting yesterday, as part of the 30 Day Blog Challenge.  I've fallen behind before during this journey and really pushed myself to get caught up.  Yesterday felt different.  I didn't want to post.  I felt pressure and I resisted it.  Like a young child in tantrum, "I don't want to do it"!

I noticed I have expectations of what type of writing I produce.  There's a particular feel and sense of completion I am looking for.  I also hope for some insight that may help or inspire, you, the reader.

But what about me, inside I hear a small voice calling out!  Stop putting these pressures on me.   I am doing this ultimately for my own soul growth.  This is about my writing from the heart daily.  What about the days when my heart feels all in a jumble?  What then?

Like yesterday, struggling with a family member.  Feeling unsafe and confused, frustrated, wanting to run.  Struggling to find my inner rhythm.  I get a sense that may have happened a lot when I was growing up in my family home.  It does not feel good.  I get a glimpse of compassion surfacing.  Maybe even for all the family members.

Raising a family is challenging, everyone under one roof, so many different sensitivities.  All I want is to feel the love.  Why else have a family really?  If it's not about love, then what are we doing?  Just throwing that question out to ponder on.  I imagine it's more an evolutionary question.  As our reasons for family have evolved over the centuries.       

Getting back to writer's block, being that was the initial theme I began with.   

Interesting how, in this post, I started with right where I was.  Not wanting to write, and I followed that feeling.  Where it took me was to some inner tensions I was feeling, that needed attention.  I was trying to over ride that need with the pressure that I had a blog writing deadline to meet.   By honoring that tension and going with it, I was able to access my creative flow again.

Could there be, that underneath writers block there is a need that is wanting attention?  Maybe not in all cases, but at least in some situations.  Perhaps we can clear the block by acknowledging the need and speaking to it and listening with care and interest.  Maybe even write about it?         

Applying Kaizen to My Agenda & Daily To Do Planning - Day 19 Blog Challenge

Managing My Agenda and my To Do Lists is an area of my life that often befuddles me.  Essentially the scenario, more often than not, is that my days agenda I plan out for myself is in actuality 2 or 3 days worth of steady work.  So you see, I don't have a good handle on realism in regards to accepting how much I can actually do in any one day.  I find this quite curious and yes, frustrating. 

Kaizen is a practice of taking small incremental steps towards a goal.  It's concept I find very appealing.  I've dabbled in it over the years but never really committed to apply the practice to my really tough goals.

Let me say now that I am ready to commit to applying Kaizen to my agenda planning practice.  Really stick with it and target to achieve mastery so that I design realistic daily agenda plans.  Desired results being to feel happy and pleased with how I am managing my life and moving forward on my desires and goals.

Here's an example of how my daily agenda planning will be scaled down to fit my Kaizen objective.  I have quite a few online business trainings and launch preparation projects to do.  To date, I have never put in the hours I have hoped to each day.  I have felt very unfocused in my efforts.  I've gone from goals of 8 hours a day, to 5 hours, to 3 hours, to 1 hour.  I've not met any of these time allotments for study and prep so clearly something is not flowing for me.

This is where Kaizen comes in.  I shall keep cutting back the time and type of work I plan to do to get this project moving along.  This is where the power of the question can be very useful also.  Even if during my allotted time to work, I simply focus on these questions, it is time well spent on my business.   

• What am I resisting.  
• What do I need to do first.  
• Is this the correct work that is best for me to be focusing on right now.      
• How much time allotment is realistic for me to start with
• What is my big WHY as to reasons to be pursing this business and financial goal

This is a topic I shall expand more on over the next few months, as I go deeply into exploring how awaken in me the aspects of this project that flows for me.  So it feels to be something that aligns with the bigger me.

Be Quiet By A Stream - Day 18 Blog Challenge

In this nomadic life I've embarked upon there are things about the steadiness of a home I could count on, that are just not there for me right now.  One activity in particular includes quiet walks around the beautiful lake where I lived.

I also found great solace in sitting quietly by a stream whenever I had a chance.  The movement of the water in a stream I find so soothing, calming and inspiring for heart connection with myself.  So very nourishing an activity and I do long for it again.

Sometimes perhaps the spirit needs a stronger current to sit by and listen to.  A roaring river perhaps.  Filling the soul with life, vitality, exuberance and joy.  What a marvelous planet this is.

Do you find solace in nature?   Have you taken time lately to connect with your favorite nature spot?

From Loose Ends to Inspiration - Day 17 Blog Challenge

As I settled down to write this post tonight, my mind felt at loose ends.  Turns out the amazing resource on Facebook of community pages I've created (of some of my most favorite posts) is also a great source of inspiration for my writing.  Within 30 minutes I was feeling quite inspired and uplifted as I spent time enjoying and savoring pictures and quotes.  It was like having a little wisdom teaching session.  In addition, it showered me with an abundance of ideas for topics to write on.  

My Facebook resource is actually a good example of following my passions, without motive.  Just art for the sake of art, because it comes naturally and feels good to do.  It's not a matter of questioning why.  It is a matter of being in the inspiration of the moment.  And now this passion project is a wonderful resource that complements and adds to my new passion of blog writing.  Who knew!

The big picture of our life is not shown us ahead of time.  Just step by step the way is shown.  The joy is in the mystery unfolding itself before our very own eyes.

And!  Just in case your are curious about my Facebook resource, here's the link to my page that lists titles and links to all my 55 Community Pages, on a pretty wide range of topics.  Sha's Collection of Favorites

Connecting Creativity, Art, Money and Work - Day 16 Blog Challenge

 

Life is a dance, a piece of art, a song to sing.

Life is fleeting, gone in a blink of an eye.

Life is precious beyond our wildest imaginings.

A friend loses a portion of his leg to cancer, and now feels life the greatest gift and encourages us to bring gratitude into each day.  Thank you dear friend for sharing the gifts from your deep journey within.  You help us all feel more fully the beauty and preciousness of this life we hold in our hands.  It's up to each of us to mold our lives into the greatest vision we can imagine.

I desire a life well lived where I enjoy all the dimensions of myself existing harmoniously together, as an integrated whole.  

How can I live my life as this desired integrated whole?  Where my art, my creativity, my work, my love and my financial means for supporting myself all feel inter-connected in a congruent way.  Where life feels harmonious and joyous more often than not.  Being connected to what is most meaningful in my heart while seeing I am contributing to the good of the planets evolution.  Aren't these ingredients for a life well lived?

Whether it is reaching one or a million, that's not the point.

I seek to ask, am I staying balanced in this journey?  Have I designed a life style for myself, so that when aspects of my life start feeling neglected, am I able to pull back long enough so to attend and course correct for that which is calling out for attention?  Do I feel a peace within?  Or are my obligations, goals and commitments so over loading me, I have lost the spark and joy for life?

Periodically, it can be of value to do a life assessment, and see where there is clutter and excess, and take some action to simplify down a bit.  Regular attunements with this practice keep it from becoming an overwhelming task.   

Let's not lose sight of why we're in this game of life.  Whether our reason is to love, to bring joy, to evolve, to seek understanding, whatever the reason for being, don't let the cultural material illusions of life confuse us as to why we are really here.

Why are you here and do you have intention to live congruently with that vision? 

Healing Conversations With Higher Self - Day 15 Blog Challenge

Today I share a chapter from a book I am writing.  This is my biggest stretch so far.  For it touches the edges of PTS (post traumatic stress) and sexual wounding.  I do not find value in the details at this point, but do know my perceptions and compassion come from being in the trenches of these issues.

Here is my draft chapter.  Would love to hear from you if it helps you in anyway.

This is such a vulnerable chapter for me to write. I shall do my best. I would really rather you not know this about me. But that is not the way of healing. I’ll always remember the time I heard, “you are as sick as your secrets”. Learning when and where and with whom to share my secrets has been the dance of my life.

I pushed away. The wounds were just too deep. I did not fully embrace the depth of my trauma. I am not alone, I know. It is not a contest to see who has been wounded the deepest.

The details and the story no longer matter really, though they did for quite a long time. I no longer wear a badge of honor. I removed this warrior priestess badge once I came to terms with the shame, bringing it out of the closet. Letting it breathe the fresh air. Allowing dear ones to witness it and realize they did not stop loving me.

I’ve made some progress, reached a new level of bottom. A softer level, with less fear, deeper surrender, more ownership of my ‘stuff’ and willing to say I’m sorry, especially to those I have pushed away.

This is the dialogue that unfolded as I deeply surrendered. It was a conversation with my understanding of my inner God.

I cry.
I surrender to God.
I surrender to God my sexuality wound.
If it be God’s will that this be healed, then I ask God to heal it.
I do not trust my healing in the hands of others, for they have their own wounds.

I understand, sadly, that God is not well received by many. So as I share this, I will leave out the word and just start with V: as the inner Voice I was in communion with.

V: Do you want to heal.

SS: Yes I do.

V: Quiet the mind. Still the fears. The writing takes you out of the present. I can heal you in an instant. Why do you postpone your healing. Why do you postpone your return to wholeness?

SS: I do not believe it is possible.

V: Then you do not believe in me.

SS: How do I believe in you? How do I believe this healing into wholeness by you is possible.

V: I come to you through your heart.

SS: How do I heal my heart.

V: You do not do the healing. I do. All healing is from me.

SS: But some seem to heal without believing in you.

V: It is not what it seems. Do not distract away from you.

SS: Does my heart need healing in order to believe in you and to allow in my full healing to wholeness.

V: Do not complicate.

SS: I’m sorry. I’ve been so busy trying to control and protect. There is no space to allow.

V: You humans, you effort too much.

SS: What’s next?

V: You have one job. To relax and allow.

I took some time to let this settle in. Then took a walk at the lake and this next conversation took place.

V: Do you want to believe in me.

SS: Yes I do. But I don’t know how. How do I believe in you?

V: It requires tremendous spaciousness.

V: It is most common for the ego to constrict in the presence of spaciousness. You have noticed this.

V: Each time a “story” starts running in your head, of some childhood trauma, or some other obsession about an external event, this constriction is your ego rushing in to fill the spaciousness.

V: Do not worry about doing anything with the ego. Your job is not to manage the ego.

SS: What is my job?

V: Everyone has the same job, to hear me in your heart. The hearing is what integrates the heart with the mind.

S: How am I to heal my wound regarding sexuality.

V: Healing does not happen that way. Healing does not happen in a piecemeal manner. The most profound healing, the healing you seek, is for wholeness and self-realization.

V: The better desire is to ask to be returned to a realization of wholeness. Then all aspects of you get addressed and corrected.

S: I ask to be returned to wholeness.

V: And so it is. Remain in spacious self-awareness and it shall be done.

Leaps of Faith - Day 14 Blog Challenge

A dear long time friend asked me today, "what do you say to me this day about leaps of faith?"

This year my leaps of faith occurred during times when it was clear "a window of opportunity" was presenting itself.  Like the perfect storm of many things completing, coupled with a building clarity that certain things in my life needed to be let go. So I leaped. 

Even though it felt suicidal in a way, but only a death to a lifestyle that begged for closure. And only when it felt like to stay would invite a soul death far greater than the fear of leaping into the unknown and letting my heart guide me. 

I'm talking a leap of faith that included the end of a beloved 32 year home, the end of a dream partner fantasy, collapse of my money cushion, and closure of a career that held no more life for me.   If I would have known in advance, that 11 months later I would still be in free fall; that only now would I feel the parachute opening .... well, let me just say, it's best I did not see that far into the future. 

There are times when 'too much information' can immobilize one from acting.  

This leap of faith into free fall was ultimately an act of trusting that the universe is designed to support those who follow their heart.  That a heart based life is the natural design of the universe, and when we live from our heart we attune to the divine grace of existence.  We are in harmony with the flow of life.

Where did the courage come from?  A life time spent of too many choices being made from a constricted survival based mind set.  Get a job, don't be a weight on others, make it on your own. 

Earlier this year I adopted a motto from a Janis Joplin song, " Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose / Nothin', don't mean nothin' hon' if it ain't free, no no."  And in the words of Anais Nin:  "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."

For decades I felt and spoke of the sense of living in a prison, a self made prison.  I owe it to myself, I owe it to the higher destiny for my soul being, that I give this life my best effort.  I have fully tested out the experience of living in a fear based self made prison.  Now it's my chance to experience the magic of a heart centered life

Yes Universe, Yes My Inner Source, you do have a plan, a great plan, and I trust you.  

Keeping It Short, Hangin' In the Uncomfortable - Day 13 Blog Challenge

I've missed connecting here for the last few days.  Had some home organizing and moving prep work to do, crunching too much into every day, so no time leftover to write from my heart.  Goal achieved though, and I'm ready for the next leg of this nomadic adventure I am currently on.  Getting ever more simplified and organized.  Quite the journey indeed.

Today's post is about being okay with the uncomfortable.  In this instance, uncomfortable is deciding to write just a short post, and not aim to 'wax poetic' or tap into wisdom to reflect on.

This post is about showing up.  Simply showing up.  Show up for myself, show up for others, show up for my commitment, show up for my anxieties and fears.  Be present to it all.

Already I can feel the urge to go deeper into all this.  So this is a good time to stop.  Leaving an openness to feeling incomplete.